Friday, October 31, 2008

It ain't Halloween, folks.

It's John Candy's Birthday.

We'll see you on the other side of the booze train.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I Love My First Day of the Week.

I have a beautiful friend who is so giving, that sometimes the world kind of takes that opportunity to shit on her. When people find out her name, they do this annoying dance where they ask if her parents were hippies, or if she changed it. Stupidly enough, these people also don't know anything about art and who she was named after, or the contribution that this person made to the Heide.

Yesterday was one of those days where beer and some cooking could fix the girl. I thought that she probably needed some real food after what she got shat on with, and the only thing she had at home was pita bread and vegemite.

That was tragedy in its purest form.

So, I cooked for this woman, my real wife (sorry Bjork) and fed her booze.

Oh, I love my first day of the week. (Yes, yesterday was Tuesday, but if you're smart enough, you'll work it out.)

After I saw this tart on Haalo's site, I decided it would be a good way to use up asparagus. But obviously, the idea of the tart was the only thing, and I may have bastardized the idea.

Asparagus Tart For My Favourite Tart

1 bunch of asparagus, trimmed
2 slices of prosciutto, sliced
1 clove of garlic, minced
1 leek, sliced, white part only
1 head of broccoli, stem sliced and florets quartered
1/3 barrel of La Luna cheese, diced
3 eggs
200mL cream
6 sheets of filo

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees. Find a rectangular baking dish and measure the asparagus to the width of it and trim the excess off. Slice the trimmed parts and set aside with the broccoli.
Blanch the asparagus and halve length ways.
Meanwhile, render the fat from the prosciutto and add the garlic and leek, followed by the asparagus stalks and the broccoli. Season and allow to soften.
Line the baking dish with the filo, brushing melted butter between the sheets. Take the eggs and cream, and whisk together, seasoning with salt and pepper.
When the mixture in the pan is cooked, place it over the filo and pour in the egg mixture. Then, take the spears of asparagus and line it over the top, alternating direction of the spear.
Dot with the La Luna cheese and bake for 20-30 minutes, or till it has set.

Feed it to your lady.

Monday, October 27, 2008

One Year.

It has been a year. One whole year with this little baby and I am not sure if it is so exciting.

No cake, no streamers, no champagne. None of that sentimental shit.

I don't know if I achieved anything I set out to originally achieve, but I am having fun.

Blah blah blah, I am tired.

We'll just see John Candy's birthday as a celebration of this as well. I mean, he does like food.

Happy birthday, Fatty McBeanpole. It means absolutely nothing.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

You can use that as dip!

Verde Provedores make a range of organic dips and they have a stall at the Slow Food market. I find it very cute how they prop up a sign saying, "Extend the GM Ban" against their stall.

This week, despite my feelings about buying dips, I got the carrot, parsnip and the harissa. In the past, I found the beetroot dip not beetrooty enough, how sad-face.

I am a big fan of the harissa. It contains roasted red capsicums, carrot, olive oil, lemon, juice, garlic, chili, ground cumin, coriander and sea salt.

I never really thought of harissa as a dip, moreso a condiment. Funnily enough, it seems to go with everything. In complete desperation, I made a salad and slopped on some harissa and yogurt over the top.

I feel like a slob, but that is what humidity does to me.

I'm a fatty
Serves 4

3 ribs of celery, sliced
1/2 spanish onion, diced
1 carrot, diced
2 tomatoes, seeded and diced
1/2 an avocado, diced
1/2 can of canellini beans, drained and rinsed
1/2 can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
extra virgin olive oil
zest and juice of 1 lemon

Mix the celery, onion, carrot, avocado, lemon zest and beans together and season. Add the juice of the lemon and some oil. Plate it out and then put 1-2 tablespoons of the harissa and an equal amount of yogurt over the top and stir it into the salad.

I ate it with a couple of 9 grain vitaweats and a litre of water. I am the ultimate slop-master.

God, someone stop me before I cry myself to death

Hangovers + Youtube = rampage.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

You can't use that as dip!

Um, I love my friends.

This is what happened a year ago in a house in Brunswick. It was a sad, sad day for mankind, negating thousands of years of evolution.

Darwin would be proud.

Well, needless to say that the title speaks for itself.

I am just amusing myself right now

please excuse.

Also, never let me loose on Youtube...EVER!

Just because I can.


An Ode

to Pho.

I love Pho.

I have Pho cravings all the time, but I only ever succumb to them when I am special today.

1928 believes that Pho fixes all, and every Sunday sees him on a scooter to Victoria St for it.

I did the stumble with my wonderful housemate Lute. He woke at 1pm and I was sitting on a stool in the kitchen, hanging my head in shame proclaiming how I thought it would be the only thing to fix me, and probably the only thing I could eat.
He was in a towel on the way to shower, but as soon as I said Pho, he lit up and said IWANTPHOIWILLGOWITHYOUTOGETPHO!

So, we did. In our completely disheveled states, we not only saw a lot of poorly dressed people but realized that we didn't care what we were wearing because the CBD is our backyard. In fact, I went out without eyeliner or hair product, wearing a dress that can only be accurately described as a large t-shirt. I was full-force Asian-pineapple.

Lute, not feeling particularly brave in his state stuck with the usual rare sliced beef, but ordered it in large. When it arrived, the bowl was bigger than both our torsos put together.

I got the small special beef, and still couldn't finish it. The tripe and tendon freaked Lute out, but they are the best parts. We both drowned our dishes in so much chili oil and fresh chili that we completely changed the colour of the water and created a nice red slick of oil over the top of the bowls, along with the usual add-alongs. Then, I asked for a dipping bowl and mixed the hoisin sauce with more chili oil and dipped my "strange meat parts" in there. There is a science, kids.

Funnily enough, Lute couldn't stand watching me eat tendon, tripe, beef balls or otherwise...but at the end, I couldn't bring myself to eat the "normal" parts of the cow such as brisket and those rare slices.

"You are so Asian," he said.

God, I knew my hair would fail me one day.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Macbeth Murdered.

I went to see Melbourne Uni's Shakespeare Co.'s version of Macbeth tonight. My friend 'won' free tickets in some essay competition. My first thought when she told me this was worst prize ever. This isn't because I dislike theatre, it is that I already know the quality of it.

We started off with drinks at Markov Place. She got some crazy red girly spritzer thing and I kept to my Shofferhoffer Kristal. She had just come from work and I had come from...well, work and exercise.
Despite my crazy adrenaline, she coaxed me into ordering something with her. She ended up getting the wild mushroom and manchego bruschetta, and I ordered an oyster with a red wine vinegar and shallot dressing.

Go team oyster.

So, then, without the opportunity to get sloshed, we ran off to see Macbeth. The production was very immature. I assumed all the good actors had been exhausted with the recent runs of Zombie State and Botulism. Anyways, the only good actor in the show was Lady Macbeth who was played by Leeor Adar. She was actually able to deliver Shakespeare the way you were to read it, unlike her counterpart, Macbeth (Seamus Barker) who spoke as if he was William Shatner with tourret's if you turned up the volume and broke the knob. I don't understand how a company could possibly make all the characters of Macbeth, who were not Lady Macbeth annoying.
Hats off to you.

I understand now, why Lady Macbeth kills herself.

The thing that rounded it all off was "Love Will Tear Us Apart" playing during the curtain call.

Let's not get started on the three witches.

Alas, I have made it home on a Friday night, and it is before midnight. I somehow don't think an oyster is good as a dinner after only eating a piece of bread and a tomato today. Anyways, it's's salad time.

Serves 3

2 ribs of celery, diced
1/2 spanish onion, diced
1/2 punnet of cherry tomatoes, halved
1/2 an avocado, diced
2 small cans of Serina chili tuna in oil, drained and flaked
1 can of canellini beans, rinsed
1/2 lemon
salt and pepper
extra virgin olive oil

Combine all the ingredients in a large bowl 9up to the lemon)and season to taste. Serve by squeezing the juice of half a lemon over the top with a drizzle of oil and a piece of toast.

It's Friday, have another beer.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

How Much Shame Can You Handle?

I was speaking to my housemate about how embarrassingly addicted to Match I am.

Sure, they are less then ten minutes walk from my house,
sure, I really like the vibe, sure I have a horrendous fondness for their vodka espressos,
sure, I am kind of an alcoholic...but

It really doesn't excuse the fact that I have been going there every day for the past week.

Literally, every day.

The staff know me by face and had tequila shots with me when they said I looked flustered.

They have only been open for something like three weeks.

On the plus side, after a semi-disappointing exhibition at the Carlton Club (Girls, Girls, Girls), I went for a (cue predictability) vodka espresso at Match (ding, ding, ding) and in two hours, I have written a 2000 word essay.

It's actually good.

If anything, go to the exhibition to see the King Pins' video. It is genius wrapped in parody, wrapped in polyester, wrapped in synchronised madness.

249 Little Lonsdale St, Melbourne 3000.
03 9654 6522

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Not just a good book by Benjamin Kunkle but a great way to cook. That coupled with procrastination makes for a great meal. Assuming that you have read the lead up to this, what I have just cooked really makes me happy that Spring is here.

Yes, that is right, vegetables have personalities, and I am not the only one who thinks that.

I would have taken a photo, but my camera privileges have been revoked.

Broad bean, leek and lemon risotto

Serves at least 4

1 onion, diced
1 clove garlic, minced
1 large leek, sliced, whites only
20g butter, unsalted
extra virgin olive oil
1 cup of carnaroli rice
white wine
zest and juice of 1 lemon
3-4 cups of hot vegetable stock
1 heaped teaspoon of seeded mustard (that's right)
200g double podded broad beans
30g grated parmesan
1/3 barrel of Holy Goat La Luna cheese, diced

Sweat off the onion, garlic and leek in butter and and oil. When it has become translucent, turn the heat up to medium and add the rice. Coat in oil and wait till it also becomes translucent and add around half a cup of white wine. Add the zest. Allow the alcohol to cook off for a minute and add the hot stock, half a cup at a time and stir the rice each time till you need to add more. When the rice is almost al dente, add the juice of the lemon as well as the mustard and mix through. Add the broad beans when it is a minute from being done, just to warm through as they are already cooked. When it is al dente, add the cheeses and stir through. Check for seasoning (I just needed to add pepper because the cheese is quite salty).
Eat very slowly so you don't have to start on that essay of yours.

Monday, October 20, 2008


it seems that options have opened up once more. I found the barrel of La Luna Holy Goat cheese which would go so well with the broad beans.

So, I am tossing up between making a lemon risotto with some stock I have in the freezer and then stirring in the cheese and broad beans at the end.

Sigh, I guess I could always do the same with pasta, but it all depends on time. And time, I don't have.

Ok, essay, ho!

Something So Unspectacular is Going to Kill Me One Day.

Like making a decision.
As previously mentioned, I bought broad beans. My stock was also in a half-eaten 'can't really make anything out of what I have' situation, so I stopped by the market after class to pick up a few things that could brings my friends together.

Funnily enough, I ran into my friends 1928 and GAS. We'll just call my other friend GAS because, well, he works there. We stumble around all the vegetables and the deli and meat section together. Together, the range of our ages and races makes for ridiculous entertainment. GAS is in his late thirties, 1928 is thiry-one and I'm twenty. I think there is also a metre gap in height between me and GAS, and we all have different accents.
Anyways, we'll get over the surface entertainment here. They have, for the past three weeks, been going to the market together at the exact same time as I have. I had worked out my own system of going around and they had theirs. It was quite conflicting and hilarious to see how each of us liked the same places. After our weekends of debauchery, it was good to come back together and compare notes over food, about food, while doing food.
My main goals were to pick up a few cheeses and spring vegetables, as well as lemons. I was completely desperate for lemons.
1928 walked around with a hood on and a leather jacket over it, and we were all in black. Actually, I was wearing a shiny, red leotard in between my blacks, but it doesn't matter. As we made it out to the sunny intersection of Victoria St, 1928 still had his hood on and GAS pulled it down saying, "What are you doing? It's hot," while I commented on how it looked like he was about to run in and steal a giant fish.
Comically, they both simultaneously got on their scooters and rode off.
That was definitely not a euphemism for anything.

So, when I get home I start getting anxious about the broad beans I bought on the Saturday. Yes, I get anxious about those little guys. I wait ten months for them and they are only really around for a month and a half (if you like to push it).
I grab those kids out of the fridge and realise that I managed to cut my hand yesterday between the Lincoln and my place after beers with Ricky(and those of you who know where my house is will know that is quite a feat, as it isn't even fifty metres away).
So, I kill my hand taking the beans out of their furry homes and blanch them in boiling salted water for about sixty seconds, drain and refresh them in iced water. There is nothing worse than overcooked broad beans.
Then, I masochistically double-pod them and become so wonderfully zen. I really only end up with about 200g of beans after all of that, but now I don't know what to do with them.
There are so many options right now:

-Fry them in olive oil with pancetta and serve with lemon juice.
-Crush them with Parmesan, lemon zest and juice and eat with lamb.
-Make a pesto
-Fry off slices of peppered pecorino, add the beans and lemon juice.
-Serve warm with dill and yogurt, and again with lemon.
-Make a salad with peas and asparagus and pancetta.
-Make a pasta with that and zucchini, leek and some cream as well as pecorino.
-Eat it plain with buffalo mozzarella.

This is killing me. Hmm, if anyone is reading this and can decide for me, you can come for dinner, you know why? There are too many options to play dice man on this round.

Hrmph, life is hard.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Carlton Farmer's Market

I woke up at some ridiculous hour, hoping to beat the heat and exercised for an hour and a half. The boys were all still asleep and when they woke up and did their 'after-grog-bog' we all decided we needed copious amounts of caffeine. I suggested we go to the farmer's market because it was

a) on
b) around the corner.

But, we didn't know that we had to wade through hundreds and hundreds of cyclists and people who shouldn't be wearing Lycra. It's ok though, because Nek managed to see a lot of little puppy-doggies, which made him smile.

So, after loading up on coffee, being the only espresso drinker in a clan of lattes, I did a circle of the market and came out with something I long for all year:
I bought a kilo for five dollars, and it made me happy. (In your face, Vic Market!)

Yes, then, we proceeded to have breakfast and talk about shelving. Nek is still "wow-ing" at the idea (and for once, in reference to Nek, "wow" does not stand for World of Warcraft).

Oh yeah, we're also prepping for John Candy's birthday, which falls on the same day as Halloween. Do you smell fried chicken?

But really, folks, it is all about the broad beans.

And I would just like to add that I got to wear my first playsuit of the season. [insert evil laugh]
And, we're done.

What the Hell Happened?

So, disappointed with life, and disappointed with how incapable of drunktardedness tonight, I hiked it to Chilipadi for a whole world of disappointment.

My friend ordered something that tasted like they sucked the flavour out of one ingredient and injected it in something completely unrelated to it. And, I received tepid, tasteless something that seemed like it came out of a can and served with the wrong noodles.

We were very sad and realised ten reasons of why we will never go back there again. Needless to say, neither of us finished or even "started" our food and only a 1am Calippo saved my dear child.

10 reasons why we will never return:
1- We were not drunk enough for that torture
2- They said, "no free water at the time," while giving tables next to us glasses of water
3- Cheap, plastic, non-environmental cutlery. Like seriously, how hard is it to wash a fork?
4- My food turned up 20 minutes after my friend's.
5- It was cold
6- It was shit
7- It was shit
8- It was shit
9- It was shit
10- It was shit

Book of Longing

I have been debating this upstairs with a couple of boys for the last thirty minutes. I saw the Philip Glass and Leonard Cohen collaboration at the State Theatre of the Arts Centre for MIAF on the 15th, which was the opening and they saw it tonight. I felt like I was watching opera singers attempting a rock musical with a very hetero, whingy, womanizer's words which killed a wonderful composition, featuring stunning solos.

But, to put it lightly, it was shit. I looked around the theatre and noticed that the audience were mainly comprised of right-winged, celebrity-struck, oldies from the burbs who probably see art as a "I am going out for a special occasion" sort of thing, rather than being regular art goers (despite the fact that Kantor was one of the standing ovation givers).

It all seemed token and contrived. If you see me in person, I can do a full interpretation with singing and dancing to prove my point.
As one of my friends said "Philip Glass should have stopped composing ten years ago, and Cohen should never allow other people to read his works."

So, disappointingly, I went home and made dinner at half ten, and was too annoyed to eat it.
Thank god for my hungry, hungry housemates.

Like it never happened, I want to eat my sorrows
Apparently, serves 4

olive oil
1/2 spanish onion, sliced
4 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
5 slices of prosciutto, sliced in 1cm thickness
2 zucchinis, julienned
1 head of broccoli, florets cut into quarters and the stalk julienned
1 glass of red wine
balsamic vinegar
2 handfuls of walnuts, roughly chopped
100g romano, grated

short pasta, cooked

Saute off the onion and garlic over a low heat and add the prosciutto, rendering the fat. When the onion and garlic are translucent, turn the heat on medium high and add the zucchini and broccoli. Add more oil if it looks dry and then the glass of wine. Add a generous amount of balsamic vinegar and allow to cook for five to ten minutes, when the zucchini is ready but not mushy, and the broccoli still has bite. If it looks like it is drying out, add some of the pasta water.
When the pasta is ready, drain and return to the pot. Pour over the zucchini mixture and stir through the nuts and cheese until they have all combined and melted together. Season to taste and think about how upsetting art can sometimes be.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I Just Can't Stay Away

However, there are no photos in this round.

Lots of wine was had and much of a discussion followed.

This is just what happened in between.

Pea pesto Pasta Alliteration
750g fresh peas, shelled
100g romano, grated
1 lemon
1 handful walnuts
extra virgin olive oil

2 leeks, whites only, sliced
1 spanish onion, sliced
rice bran oil

100g rigatoni
100 ricotta

Cook the peas in salted boiling water, drain and transfer to the food processor, add the walnuts and cheese, as well as a little oil. Pulse. Add the lemon juice to taste (I used a whole lemon) and oil, season and pulse again. Taste and adjust till it suits.
Meanwhile, saute the onion and leek in a pan on a low flame with a generous amount of oil and cook the pasta in a heavily salted pot of water. Reserve some of the cooking water of the pasta when it is almost done. A minute from the pasta being ready, season the leek and onion mix and drain the pasta, add the pesto to the onion mix and stir the pasta in till evenly distributed. Add some of the pasta water to slacken the mix, if need be. Season with salt and pepper, and lemon juice if need be. Serve with ricotta broken over the top and eat with a good friend.


ahead. No prediction on duration.

Sunday, October 5, 2008


Weekends are meant to be slow things, where you wake up mid afternoon, naked from the waist down (thank Dylan Moran for that image)and cooking barefoot, despite your brain yelling OH&S at you the whole time, while watching your friend smoke cigarettes outside the kitchen window as they sit in a blue milk crate (one of the old ones, that records can still fit into) and you both drink espressos, clinking demitasse cups above the sill.
Needless to say, the day was disgustingly beautiful, in the traditional and obvious sense. Absolutely pointless for a hangover.

So, make this and listen to CocoRosie's Noah's Ark album.

Take it easy, kids.

Fritters of some sort

1 eggplant, grilled, flesh scooped out and chopped
1/2 bunch of silverbeet slices, ribs removed and diced
5 slices Irrewarra Breakfast Seed Loaf, pulsed to breadcrumbs in a processor
2 cloves garlic, diced
1 egg
100g ricotta

Saute off the silverbeet and cook. Mix together in a bowl with two handfuls of the breadcrumbs, reserving the rest, the eggplant, ricotta, garlic and egg. Season with salt and pepper.
Roll into balls and then coat in remaining breadcrumbs. Place in fridge and allow to firm up while you take a shower. Fry off in batches, five minutes on each side. Serve with a tomato based sauce and a wedge of lemon.

Saucey, Saucey

1 punnet cherry tomatoes, halved
1 clove diced garlic
5-6 marinated olives in oil, pitted and diced
slurp of red wine
balsamic vinegar

saute off the garlic, add the tomatoes and olives, some of the oil and allow to boil. Splash in the wine, add some balsamic and passata to loosen the sauce. Cook for 15 minutes.

Our Spread

Our View...and the evil pollen. Pretty, pretty, so full of bastardo!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Productivity Levels

I just wanted to give you some proof that my work is not conducive I must also say, this happened a year ago with a girl who has 3 first names, and has now flown home to London. I just found these in the bottom of my bag.

Note the stationary.

Hmm...I should have gone to uni to scan these, but alas...I am lazy.


Nek told me of a bar he went to with 1928 on Tuesday night and said I'd probably enjoy it. He's right (and not just because 1928 brought to my attention that they serve both Jamon Serrano and Iberico).

This bar is located on the upper level of QV with a 180 degree outside view for the smokers. There is a restaurant and a bar and they're quite good with drink prices. I mean, I got a Hendricks gin and tonic for $9.50, they're good in my books.
It's a little like walking into a large, displaced patch of a Collingwood bar, before it started smelling. It has potential (oh, no that word), and I mean that in a good way. They're very clever with the design of the space, having all the light fittings in clusters being different but arranged in the same way. The lighting also lets you read, but not feel like you're in a doctor's surgery. Think, somewhere in between getting on the verge to rip someone else's clothes off and the back corner of the basement level of the Bailleu library.

They have a manifesto, which I enjoy. They're not pretentious, but they don't serve pints (which I am not too fond of). Also, they only have three beers, but with their selection of spirits, I don't really care.
Their staff seem to know what they're doing and I think that they brought over some from the UK for this branch. Oh, did I mention that they were a chain? They have three bars in London, one in Ibiza and one in Melbourne-town.
Surprise, surprise, but the forumla works. Kind of like the fitted aprons that all their staff wear.
They did seem overstaffed for tonight, but that may just be because they're new. The staff outnumbered the patrons and were all buzzing around the bar, looking attractive. I think they have taken a leaf out of Cookie's book and hired the pretty. Something tells me that they will be receiving the "over-Curtain House" crowd and Cho-Gao crowd, as well as the international students that live in the building. Oh well.

I did spot a few Cookie staff mulling around my side of the bar, and a few pairs of tight pants.

Then it hit me.
The staff.
The tight pants.
They were feature in threethousand today.

Sad face, but it won't stop me going.

My Lute Came Home!

One of my dear housemates (Lute) just came back from a week in Perth. God knows why, but he's glad to be back. Our other housemate(Nek)and friend was at the Hotel Lincoln last night and I saw him on my way home, from another beer-filled/fuelled afternoon.


We figured that Lute had gone straight to work and he thought I would be on the Greyhound so, I called him telling him I left him a present behind the bar. As he was crossing the street to retrieve the non-existent present, I hid under the table outside as Nek watched Lute's embarrassment through the window. Then, we crept up behind him and rectified the situation with hugs.

So, after quite a bit of booze, I cooked. The meal didn't really make sense in its running they don't really compliment each other, but it was "damn tasty." Oh, who's my favourite medieval string instrument?

Pea Risotto
Serves 6 as starter, or 4
I managed to pick up a kilo of fresh, organic peas at the market for five dollars and had stock left over from when I made a fresh pea and ham this only made sense to me at the time.

50g butter
1 brown onion, diced
1 garlic clove, diced
1 1/2 cups Carnaroli rice
1 splash of white wine
3-4 cups hot stock (recipe follows)
200g freshly podded peas
Zest of 1 lemon
50g grated Romano cheese

Melt the butter in a pan and saute off the onion and garlic over a low heat. Add the rice and turn the heat up when the onion is translucent and coat the grains in butter. Allow them to become translucent. Pour in the wine and allow the alcohol to burn off and add the stock a little at a time, when it is absorbed and the lemon zest. I didn't salt it yet because the cheese is coming and the stock I made was with a smoked ham hock, so was already quite salty.
When the grains are almost al dente, add the peas and allow them to cook. When it is all done, stir in the cheese and check for seasoning. Serve with lemon to squeeze over, if desired.


I usually collect all my vegetable off-cuts in the freezer and make big batches of different stocks when I feel the need to be a grandma.

1 carrot, cut into 3 pieces
3-4 stalks of celery, cut to same size as carrots
1 onion, cut in half
the green part of leeks
1 broccoli stalk (just cos I had it)
3 black peppercorns, crushed
2 fresh bay leaves
1 smoked ham hock

Place all ingredients into a pot and cover with water, bring to the boil and simmer for 3-4 hours, skimming the scum when it rises to the top. drain the liquid and discard the vegetables. Eat the ham hock as you wish. I put it in a soup after separating it from the skin, and in sandwiches once it had cooled. Freeze remaining stock.

Tofu Scramble
Serves 4
For some reason, I felt the need to cook tofu not like a slant eye in my tipsy state.

1 block of firm tofu, cubed
3 cloves garlic, diced
1 spanish onion, sliced
1 leek, sliced
2 heads broccoli, diced
2 red chili, diced
balsamic vinegar

Fry off the tofu till it is golden and the moisture has come out. Set aside.
Saute off the garlic, chili and onion in a neutral falvoured oil, like rice bran, and add the leek and broccoli, seasoning to taste. When almost cooked, return the tofu to the pan and splash a generous amount of balsamic over it and let the vinegars cook off and allow to caramelise for a few minutes. Check for seasoning again and serve with a heavy, grainy toast.

I didn't take any photos, because by the time this was all cooked, we were drunk.