and I ate every single animal on earth that night. Well, no...but a lot.
Also, my mother got drunk and heckled the speech-makers and also stood up and started singing for no reason.
The food was good, better than usual wedding fare. Typical banquet, Canto-wedding style. Nothing to OMG about, wasn't the best quality, but it wasn't bad either. You know what I mean.
The menu. The first item says "Suckling pig platter."
Condiments. Don't think I didn't eat those chilis on their own for no reason. My second uncle, who is a doctor was sitting next to me, cringing.
The suckling pig platter. Served cold, on top of jelly fish.
Fried crab-claw. Very child-friendly. Basically, the crab meat has been diced with fish until it forms a glutinous paste and then it is deep fried and served with a sweetened chili sauce. Meh.
A waste of stomach space, and seafood if you ask me. But this is what everyone seemed to enjoy.
Sauteed scallops with macadamias. This is my dad's plate. By the time they divided it all into plates, mine didn't have much to go on it. That clump is a "bird's nest," read: deep-fried vermicelli. I think this was a great, subtle dish. Well cooked. I didn't add chili oil to everything I ate because I usually reserve that for dishes more to the north. Cantonese flavours are so damn subtle, and they want you to taste EVERYTHING, especially the quality of seafood.
Shark fin soup. The funny thing about this is that usually assholes order this at Flower Drum and end up picking out all of the shark-fin. This was one of the better dishes, made from stock of the crab shells. Great with white pepper and vinegar.
After this, generally, the bridal party go around and cheers everyone.
This also meant making my uncle scull half a bottle of wine at his friend's table.
This is not tea.
A fuckload of lobster.
Mine. With spring onions and ginger. Perfectly cooked. Very generous with their portions. I was already full half way through this and had to pretty much surrender two-thirds of everything else I ate to my parents. They're very much anti-waste.
Oh, and we totally use knives and forks, too. It ain't all just chopsticks.
My favourite dish of the evening. Braised abalone and sea cucumber. Rich, full of flavour and the abalone had the perfect bite to it. Unfortunately they probably threw the sea cucumber in at the same time as the abalone, so it was softer than what I would have liked. Texturally, a well balanced dish.
But, notice already how unethical this meal is?
Also, by this stage, the poor waitress caught on and looked for me to take photos before she would start serving everything.
Steamed Coral Trout with spring onions and ginger. Oh, and token coriander. Usually served with a watered-down, sweetened soy and sizzling oil. You really can't fuck this up.
I also had to keep telling my mum it wasn't a big barramundi. Like, seriously. This big??? Oh, and it was written on the menu.
My share. Lacking in fish, but at this point I didn't care, I usually fish for all the garnish anyways. No pun intended. Probably a little undercooked for this type of fish.
What bird is this?
Faces. Looky, looky. My grandmother was fighting over the crunchy heads with my dad.
And it is delicious. In the foreground, a salt and pepper mix.
This is a dish of two rice things baked in one. Very HK cafe. Not my kind of food. Chicken and tomato on one side, and a prawn, pea and cream sauce on the other.
I have no idea why this was there.
E-fu (wheat based) noodles with mushrooms. From what I saw, shittake and enoki. Loved it even though I only had one bite.
And the desserts. Coconut and evil marshmallow. Really, the black side was like, "Oh, I think we will trick them with making half of the marshmallow taste like charcoal."
Yeah, I tricked a lot of people into eating that even though I was slightly traumatised with that flavour lingering in my mouth.
And those orange things, a flakey pumpkin cookie pastry encasing lotus-seed paste. Surprisingly not as sweet as they look. But then again, I only had one bite.
And my bro-in-law and my sister being suspicious and enthused about the gifts on the table. It's unisex despite the packaging.
Yeah, soap. Seriously.
Trust doctors to give everyone soap.
"Fuck you, Kylie Kwong. Bao's with chopsticks? Fuck that, I eat prawn crackers with chopsticks...BIATCH!"
My uncle didn't really say that, but that is what I thought when he started doing this.
The joint. Gold Leaf or some shit.
Weddings are so exhausting.