Sunday, February 10, 2008

Don't you fuck me in my town!

I have a theory that every food blogger is secretly an alcaholic. Why do I bring this up? Well, I just found out five minutes ago that Jerome of St Jeromes...or Saint J's (as the hipsters call it) has just bought the almost-recently abandoned Rob Roy.

As with many people, I have a love/hate relationship with Saint J's...as well as Sista Bellas and the recently anointed Shittown. Actually, I hate Shittown. Normally, I would be lapping that shit up but it all just smells like cash-filled gimmick to me. A copy of a copy of a copy of itself, being too comfortable and living within its unexciting and tired expectations. As with my generation, these places are tired, uninspiring and disaffected. Also, disturbingly comfortable. It's the hidden cash beind the cashlessness that is trying to be projected.
See: everyone who does the Streetparty thing.
See: everyone at Melbourne Uni/RMIT.
See: everyone 20 and under.
I can rant and rave at you about how I was one of the firsts to go to Saint J's when the rat shit was still washing down from where the now-outside bar used to be, there was no clear tarp and the outside was filled with soggy couches. But, as with many places which have now made a name for themselves, it has been done again and again and again and again.

It's boring.

I am sad at this new discovery for 2 reasons.

1- Jerome is building a franchise and I can see he is just trying to do his thing. The bar thing. Whatever. He can do what he wants and facilitate underage drinking with the shredded, beautiful people in the city if he likes, but that is technically my backyard. He's at the head of my hood and now he's trying to ram me up the ass.

2- The Rob Roy will never be the same again, with its knowingly sticky carpet, great sound system and surprisingly good and semi-unknown bands. I have started many love affairs and had a lot of cheap eargasm in this place. I don't want it to be fondled and deconstructed (or most likely left as is, after all the fittings have been ripped out) and hailed as the new Jeromes.

He is trying to be the Con Christopolus of the bar world, sans wonderment. I think we have found a great comparison to heaven and hell.

Drink up, before it is all over children. Crying shall commence in five....


four....


three...

2 comments:

Ed said...

Well, th eaptly names bar is shit. And I can't be bothered with the crowds at St Jeromes. IS it Con they are trying to be or Vernon Chalker (Gin Place, Mdme Brussels, Collins Quarter). Either way I suspect the latter do it better. There is a lot of cynical moneymaking in this town.

bunchesmcginty said...

Yes, much better. They're all crowds wanting to be part of a scene; scenes which I don't necessarily dig on.