Totally desperado

With nothing in the panrty.

This was knocked up and shared for breakfast after the Jamon party.
Nothing more to say, really, but now there really is nothing in the house to cook.

Il Eggo, bake-o

1/2 a Spanish onion, sliced
3 cloves of garlic, minced
A small handful of capers, rinsed and chopped
1 anchovy fillet, chopped
1 chili, minced
some random left over herbs in the fridge, chopped (if I remember it was thyme and parsley)
oil
salt
pepper
1 head of broccoli, stem diced and florets separated
1 can of peeled tomatoes, chopped roughly with a knife in the can
1 can of kidney beans, drained and rinsed
4 eggs

Preheat the oven to 180.
In a pan that can go in the oven, sweat off the onion, garlic, capers, anchovy and chili. Season.
Add the herbs.
Add the broccoli and turn the heat up to medium, and cook for a minute or two or until it starts to colour.
Season.
Add the tomatoes, and bring to the boil, and then down to simmer for 5 minutes.
Add the beans and season again.
When the mixture is hot, make 4 small wells and crack the eggs into it. Cover the pan in foil and place in the oven for 10-15 minutes or till the eggs are set to your liking.

Serve with toast.


And here is a closer look of the egg.
I love eggs.
And eggs love me.

My Delivery

I love this muesli from the Queen Vic market, but they are selling her stall to people who will pay more for it, apparently.
So, in her last days, she packaged the cereal into little bags with her contact details.
I love this crap. They are sugar-free and wheat-free and there are three types of varieties.
One which is just plain, without nuts or extra fruit. The other has almond flakes and lots of fruit, which is the one that I get, and then one with cranberries and raisins, which I imagine to be for the sweet tooth.
They're $12 a kilo.
So worth it. It doesn't have this strange sickly sweetness that hurts your teeth and a crunch for no reason despite it not being toasted. Also, because the oats aren't processed on the same machines as wheat, as commercial varieties are, it is gluten-free and doesn't have that gacky feeling in the mouth.

So, I was waiting for my booze-delivery for my birthday tomorrow, and this arrived minutes before.
That's a kilo, if you're wondering.

And a closer look. It has oats, sultanas, dried peaches, dried apple, dried apricot, almond flakes, sunflower seeds and linseed.
Loves it with soy.
The company is called My Muesli and I think she's selling it at Kwikshop.

What is with all the gluten-free?

Someone had to change their diet.

And gluten-free flour is evil.

But, I found a good way to use the bastard and make really good pancakes. Yeah, they don't taste like cardboard hockey pucks.

But they aren't good for you either.
Not that you care when you have pancakes for breakfast. Oh, the reason why these were good is that they didn't taste like they were gluten-free, they just looked wrong.

Gluten-free pancakes
serves everyone else

1 small bottle (300ml?) of fresh cream
zest of a lime
1-2 tsp of baking soda (I think this is what made it not puck-like)
2 eggs
gluten-free flour
raw sugar

Whisk together the cream, lime, baking soda and eggs. Add the flour till you have the consistency of thickened cream. Don't worry about over mixing, there is no gluten. I think I used about 1/2-3/4 a cup.
Add the sugar to taste and fry off in a heavy skillet.
And don't forget, the first one is not for the crowd.

The kids ate it with sugar and lemon, honey, nuttelex, cashew butter, jam and plain.

Before

committing postal fraud, one must make breakfast for those going to meetings.

As Gingold said, "Ha, real green eggs and ham."


I used up all the remaining creamed broccoli and whisked it with three eggs, a dash of soy milk and some salt and pepper.

Meanwhile, I fried up a rasher of diced bacon with the fat still on and sauted an onion. Then, I poured the egg mixture over the top and baked it at 200 for 15 minutes.

The two boys awake in the morning shared it between them and this was left. Me? I went to the post office and then the gym.

Oh, I also fried up potatoes for the gluten-intolerant one.

Such a hideous breakfast. Hahahaha.

Hours, ours; the rest of them.

Yeah, don't think that you got out of the Bittern adventure ahead of time. There is still breakfast and shenanigans to go.

So, after sleeping with another person in a single bed, being raped by a mosquito net, knowing that your good friend BB had touched himself while growing up in your resting place, there wasn't much resting. In fact, it is a good thing you hardly slept, because your sister turned up as his mother (owner of the property we took over) entered the kitchen.

So, as ten people took off to fish again and to for a swim with the two vegetarians at seven in the morning, you saw that you now had fifteen mouths to feed.

Okay, I will now change to a first person narration, I believe that will be less confusing because I'm blogging. Oh, the wonders of blogging, bad grammar and non-continuation.

I do have to say, that we did use up all of this in our time there.

Sorry B's.

So, what was breakfast? Mr DaVa and I did this in the kitchen as the remainders watched us converse over sharing space and why we did and didn't want to do things. Unfortunately, they said it was like watching a really funny cooking show with a couple of clowns.
Better than them noticing that it would have been Gargamel and a Smurf cooking the night before.

Breakfast for 15:

Scrambled eggs with unnecessary garnish. But, when you're on holiday, as someone stated, "Why the hell not?"

6 eggs
half their volume in soy milk/milk/cream
salt
pepper
butter/oil

whisk together the eggs and soy/non soy choice. Season and cook in a heavy based pan over a low heat, stirring continuously until they are almost set. Transfer to a plate for serving and add some "Why the hell not."


Honey tofu with garlic and peanuts.(DaVa)

1 block of firm tofu, sliced
honey
salt
pepper
soy
lemon juice
3 cloves of garlic, diced
peanuts
2 "Why the hell nots?", sliced

Marinade the tofu in honey, to taste with salt, pepper, soy, lemon juice, garlic and some oil. Heat so oil in a pan and add the tofu, cooking over a high heat until done. Transfer to plate and add the peanuts. Fry off the "Why the hell nots?" and throw over the top with the peanuts.

Sliced cucumber and sauteed spinach.

I assume sliced cucmber is self-explanatory.

Spinach was sauteed with a shitload of finely sliced garlic in a hot pan and seasoned with salt and pepper.

Leftover Special

All the leftover potato salad from the night before
3 cloves of garlic, finely sliced
1 bunch of parsley stalks, chopped
1/4 bunch of parsley leaves, coarsley chopped
1 handful of sundried tomatoes, finely chopped
1 large tomato, halved and sliced
5 eggs
milk
2 handfuls of grated cheese
salt
pepper

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees.
Heat a generous glug of oil to a heavy based, oven safe pan over high heat. Fry off the parsley stalks and then turn the heat down to medium. Add the garlic and then followed by all the left over potato salad. Turn the heat back up on high, and flatten all the potato to one layer and try to fit it tightly, and fry till you have a crisp base. Season and then add the sundried tomatoes and parsley leaves.
Whisk the eggs and half the volume of them in milk, and season with salt and pepper.
Pour over the top of the mixture in the pan and then arrange the fresh tomato slices over the top. Allow to cook for a couple of minutes over medium heat and then sprinkle the cheese over the top and transfer to the oven for 15-20 minutes.

It is ready when it is golden, puffy and the egg parts no longer wobble. Allow to stand for a few minutes before slicing.

I also cut up half a pineapple, Asian papa style and fried off the remaining sausages.

We also threw pita bread over the burners so they were warmed. That is a DaVa brainstorm.

DaVa and El Pablo, waiting for coffee. I had already had quite a few gin and tonics at this point. My first one of the day was nabbed by BB, though, as he thought it was just tonic water and skulled over half of it. The conversation went a little like this:

Me- did you just drink from my glass?
BB- was there gin in there?
Me- Yes!
BB- Bloody hell, I thought I just discovered poor man's gin and tonic!


And at some stage, one of our party lost their key to the car. She also had a steering wheel lock. After scaling the property with everyone lined up staring at the ground in one metre increments, we decided that the only logical thing to do would be to hot wire the car and take out the steering wheel and unlock it, manually.

And if anyone could do it, it would be BB.

El Pablo steering, like a good old man. He is actually the Zen master...it could have been possible.


The token shot of mint slice. Courtesy of Mattathias, who proclaimed that if his parents were fed chargrilled cardboard he wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Yes, he is American, and explained the concept, in full detail with sugar content, franks and beans.

Mattathias destroying some kids' sand castle. This is actually what he does normally. For him it is an every day activity, not cruelty.


And the adequately placed tree. I thought it was fitting after I had a migrane and was driven to the beach, betting motion sickness on top of that and experiencing "sea air" like it was just a vat of sick.

The Very Good and the Oh-So-Very Bad.

This is what happens when you decide to get a good breakfast at the Greenhouse and then, after what seems like a whole day, night and afternoon of drinking, end up at the (literal) ass end of St Kilda in backpacker hell with something you can't swallow.


First, Greenhouse.


Egg and Soldiers. Or as the menu describes, "Freerange 'Green Eggs' Soft-boiled served with Baker D.Chorico 'Soldier' toast." $7.50
The only problem with this was that the eggs were hard boiled. Came with veg-seasoning organic salt. Unnecessary, but still good. Also, with the eggs, can you say 'same supplier as Vue?' Thanks, Shannon.


Tuna Niscoise roll. $8. Also on Baker D.Chorico bread. Very good, raw green beans sliced throughout really did it for me.


Avocado with Lemon, oil and Murray River salt flakes. $8
Very well toasted bread. I was really craving avocado, but when I went to order, the staff said that the avocados were too ripe, and when asked to pick on that wasn't too ripe, they were happy to oblige.
They also sliced the bottom off a cheek so it could sit on the board. Clever bastards.
Oh yes, wooden cutlery, like Cafe Vue. Ahem.




The aftermath. Notice the 4 coffees and the pineapple juice in an Aesop bottle. $3.50, freshly squeezed.


Now, St Kilda Hell-town. I think that was the name of the place.


What the hell is this? Mushroom with your oil?
Two forks to demonstrate this. They were not cooked and made me want to die. Also, sauted spinach was crunchy.
*COUGHMcCainsHashbrownsCOUGH*



Oh yes, I mentioned...CUP-O-SAUCE?!?!?!?!?!



I am not quite sure how you make canned beans coagulate.
Also, I saw a table of (obvious) foreigners who lathered their scrambled eggs with tomato sauce and asked for baked beans on fries. Their meat-breakfast also came with fries...I mean, what the?
I should have known better, but really, desperation and a night of booze does evil things to the mind.


And, finally, the only thing that made anything bearable on the table.
I would like to say that if there is anything I learnt from being in New York is that when you're eating crap food, and the produce is shit, you can always cover the taste with condiments.

Oh yes, I blame what is on the left and right of me, and also in my hand for the above. (How's that for the use of prepositions?)