Totally desperado

With nothing in the panrty.

This was knocked up and shared for breakfast after the Jamon party.
Nothing more to say, really, but now there really is nothing in the house to cook.

Il Eggo, bake-o

1/2 a Spanish onion, sliced
3 cloves of garlic, minced
A small handful of capers, rinsed and chopped
1 anchovy fillet, chopped
1 chili, minced
some random left over herbs in the fridge, chopped (if I remember it was thyme and parsley)
oil
salt
pepper
1 head of broccoli, stem diced and florets separated
1 can of peeled tomatoes, chopped roughly with a knife in the can
1 can of kidney beans, drained and rinsed
4 eggs

Preheat the oven to 180.
In a pan that can go in the oven, sweat off the onion, garlic, capers, anchovy and chili. Season.
Add the herbs.
Add the broccoli and turn the heat up to medium, and cook for a minute or two or until it starts to colour.
Season.
Add the tomatoes, and bring to the boil, and then down to simmer for 5 minutes.
Add the beans and season again.
When the mixture is hot, make 4 small wells and crack the eggs into it. Cover the pan in foil and place in the oven for 10-15 minutes or till the eggs are set to your liking.

Serve with toast.


And here is a closer look of the egg.
I love eggs.
And eggs love me.

The sad meal

of the poor, lazy, rained-out people.

I worked on Sunday.
Then I got rained on.
Gingold bought ingredients for dinner.
It was weird.
I had to make pasta from flavoured tuna. Tomato and onion flavour.
I never knew how shit Greenseas tuna was.
It was like paste.

We powered through.
Also, it was a good way to stay away from the filming at Lure for W's space-themed love soapie starring Kamal.
Yes...that Kamal.

Sad-face pasta
Serves 4

1 onion, finely diced
3 cloves of garlic, minced
1 chili, finely chopped
stalks of 1 bunch of parsley, finely chopped
The bag of tomatoes G bought...like...9 mini ones, diced
1 capsicum, chargrilled on the stove, skin and seeds removed, diced
1 can of peeled tomatoes
balsamic vinegar
salt
pepper
2 mini cans of Greenseas evil tuna of hell, tomato and onion flavoured
2 tablespoons of cream
1/2 bag of baby spinach, washed
400g spaghetti, cooked

Sweat off the onion, garlic, chili and parsley stalks. Turn the heat up and add the fresh tomatoes and fry off for a few minutes, salt.
Add the canned tomatoes and the cap. Break up the tomatoes with a wooden spoon. Bring to boil and then down to a simmer for 30 minutes.
I figured cos the tuna tasted like arse, that I had to add it now to try overpower the flavour.

It pretty much destroyed the sauce.

So, we cooked it down more, added some balsamic and salt to take the artificial sweetness away.

But it was still sad.

So, we cooked it down more.
And more.
And more.
It probably went on for about 50 minutes.

And then, to cut the gross, I added a couple of tablespoons of fresh cream and then spinach.


It actually saved it.
Surprisingly.


And we ate it with garlic bread that D made.

This is the first time in the place the quality of meal and wine were on par...oh, and we buy cleanskins, so it is a hit and miss.
Interpret as you will.

The perfect pain

is when you're writhing in disgusting nausea from the night before, unable to contemplate solids and getting text messages from your housemate who is directly above you, doing the exact same thing.
You crawl upstairs because he's fucked his knee up from throwing crates in a laneway and high-fiving a "mong" in a convenience store after cutting it open. You're both sobbing for your bodies, and decide that the only way to fix this is beer.
Twenty of them, in fact. Between the both of you.
Every second word out of his mouth is doll.
At around 10:30, you both decide it's time for food.
Actually, when you went to pee, he ate mouldy bread in desperation.

Doll food.
serves 4

4 spicy Italian pork sausages, cut into 1 inch pieces
1 onion, diced
2 cloves of garlic, diced
1 eggplant, diced
chili flakes
salt
pepper
splash of white wine
balsamic vinegar
2 cans of peeled tomatoes
1 handful of basil, torn
bocconcini, torn
Spaghetti

In a hot pan, fry off the sausages till brown. Turn the heat down to medium and add the onions and garlic, seasoning with salt and pepper. Add a little oil and throw in the eggplant, soften. Add the chili flakes and season again. After about 5 minutes, add the wine and a few tablespoons of balsamic. Cook off for a few minutes. Add the cans of tomatoes, crushing them with a wooden spoon. Bring the sauce to the boil, and then turn it down to simmer for the amount of time it takes to drink 2-3 beers, or till it looks thick.
When you're about 10 minutes from the sauce looking ready, or, the second last beer of the night, cook the pasta and then drain. Add to the sauce with the bocconcini and the basil.
Try to keep it down.
Most importantly, feed your doll of a housemate while sucking beers down on a kitchen bench.

Just a quickie.

In my madness, anxiety and caffeine I make something that is going to calm me down.

Nothing fancy, but as described, a "flavour bomb" and reminded my dining companion of the chickpeas at the Moroccan Soup Bar (I don't know how).



Tasty nice-calm

1 can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
2 cloves of garlic, diced
1 leek, finely sliced
1 medium zucchini, diced (I used one of the round ones I picked up from the Slow Food market)
2 tomatoes, diced
Zest of a whole lemon, and juice from half
Olive tapanade (from the Nicola crew, slightly citrusy)
chili flakes
salt
pepper
yogurt to serve

Heat a pan on high and fry off the chickpeas with one of the cloves of garlic until brown and crispy on the outside. Remove from pan and set aside. Then, on high heat, fry off the leek, zucchini, tomato and lemon zest, seasoning with the chili flakes, salt and pepper. When done, add the lemon juice and serve with a dollop of yogurt over the top.

Sucks to be you at Merideth, hey?

At risk of sounding like a weather report, before 9am today, we have had the most rain since February '06. Then, there is the rest of the day up until now.
I was wandering around the city on Thursday afternoon, along Elizabeth street and everyone had a pair of gumboots with them. I obviously had not put two and two together and checked the weather.
But, I am also not one for Merideth. To everyone who has asked me why, I will say it once again.

I hate nature, and nature hates me.

Apparently, by Friday morning, gumboots were sold out around Melbourne.
To that, I think a record has been set and everyone would be wearing the same footwear. It's like boot-camp without the boots, so to speak.

Funnily enough, this morning, nay, afternoon, my friend made baked eggs while I made a vegetable and lentil soup. I didn't get around to eating the soup since I had to run home, but for a change of pace, I made a stew instead.

I am sufficiently sated and full of gluten.

Mushroom and barley stew
Makes a fuckload

100g pancetta, diced
200g mixed mushrooms, sliced
1 onion, diced
4 cloves of garlic, diced
1 leek, finely sliced
2 ribs of celery, diced
4 stalks of silverbeet, ribs diced and leaves sliced
2 fresh tomatoes, diced
1 large zucchini, diced
2 cups of barley
red wine
balsamic vinegar
vegetable stock

polenta
vegetable stock
parmesan


Totally prep-bowl heaven.

Saute off the diced pancetta with the mushrooms, season and set aside.
Sweat off the onion, garlic, silverbeet ribs, leek and celery and season.



Then, add the tomatoes and zucchini and turn up the heat.




When everything is done, return the mushrooms and pancetta to the pan and add the barley. Turn the heat on high and add a generous glug of red wine, a glug of balsamic and enough stock to cover.



Make a cartouche, cover with a lid and allow to simmer for about 40 minutes. Stir in the silverbeet leaves in the last two minutes and season to taste.
Make the polenta by whisking the polenta into boiling vegetable stock for 20-30 minutes, making it dryer or as wet as you want. Season with black pepper and add some parmesan to taste.




Serve the stew on top of the polenta with freshly grated parmesan and herbs if you have any.

Homestyle therapy.

When life kicks you up the arse, it is best to bake. I think, I learnt patience and upped my zen by baking. I think this is my fourth night in a row with only a couple of hours sleep, and I have officially run out of sleeping tablets.
And, after working at the gallery yesterday and going to the night market against my body, I had to take the day off. I am convinced that I have an eye infection as I can't stop crying out of one of them so, it makes it hard to read.

I had intended to bake these and go to the SHAC free-free exchange, gathering thing today, but then I realised that I am not into uni life. I hate mingling with uni people and I would rather swallow glass while being lit on fire and defecated on at the same time.

When a poster says to bring something to exchange or a skill or a haircut, I can only imagine the majority of upper-middle class spawn documenting their beginnings of rebellion, hoping it will make it to the news for their parents to see. I can see a sea of green, blue and pink hair, as if a dairy product had gone off in the fridge, swarming through the length of Faraday St. Then, after they dissipate, the remaining few, who probably organised it and are too hungry to cook, will end up going to Threshermans for those awful baked goods and pub food, without the pub.



Savoury polenta muffins to mend what a leotard cannot
Makes 12
6 slices of prosciutto, diced (optional)
1 finely diced onion
1 large handful of decent olives pitted and diced
1 fresh tomato, diced
kernels from 1 cob of corn
1/2 barrel of La Luna Goats cheese, diced
150g plain flour
150g polenta
1 tbs caster sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
2 large eggs
250 mL milk (I used soy, so it made the batter sweeter. If using moo, add more sugar)

Preheat a fan forced oven to 190 degrees.
Saute off the prosciutto if using, and transfer to paper towel. Sweat off the onion in the prosciutto fat or rice bran oil and set aside.
Mix the flour, polenta, sugar, baking powder and salt together in a large bowl.
Whisk the eggs and milk together.
Add the egg mixture to the flours and stir, halfway through, adding the other ingredients.
Divide into a 12-hole greased muffin pan and bake for 20 minutes or till it tests done.
Serve with a chili and tomato chutney.

A few random things.

My parents just got back from HK and China and decided to bring back a few things.


Firstly, I love this stuff. If I were not so reflux-y or conscious about fitting into single-digit sized clothing, then I could probably eat around ten of these in one go. It is a glutinous rice ball filled with red bean and coated in coconut. Kind of like the Cantonese interpretation of mochi, but they are less sweet and solid.
*swoon*


I am not sure why my parents bought me so much candy, I don't like sweets. But, this is a bag of soft candies made with rice flour, nuts and lotus seed paste. Somehow, I don't think I will have much self control around these.


And, they made a trip to China and came back with this. It's Chinese fairy floss. I am not sure what it is like as I have never had it before, but it is very solid. VERY solid. The concept of fairy floss scares me though, I know it is just coloured sugar, but think about it. Floss. Floss covered in fairy teeth-cheese.


Of course I save the best till last. Now, who has had a mother not buy them underwear before? Now, I am not sure what makes HK underwear so much better, but she insisted. Funnily enough, I think the last time she bought me underwear, I was in primary school.
However, there is a slight problem here.
1- they are grey
2- they are HUGE
See how I have compared them to a fat pair of my underpants (you know, for the winter-time when you get that layer going)and they still dwarf them. They're a size 8. So, that means that the ones my mother bought are probably the equivalent to a 14.
Why the hell she thinks my ass is that big, I will never know. But, it is the thought that counts. Although, I am slightly disappointed that they're not from Japan...



And, completely unrelated. I went to the market this morning and after laughing with a friend's friend at an Oxfam table, taking photos of puppies with shoes on (yes, that is plural, 2 dogs, 8 feet, 8 tiny, tiny shoes), I bought some truss tomatoes. When I got home, I unloaded my bounty and discovered that the paper bag had this on it.

WHAT TYPE OF ORGANIC, HIPPIE, PAGAN-PUNKS ARE YOU???

You can use that as dip!

Verde Provedores make a range of organic dips and they have a stall at the Slow Food market. I find it very cute how they prop up a sign saying, "Extend the GM Ban" against their stall.

This week, despite my feelings about buying dips, I got the carrot, parsnip and the harissa. In the past, I found the beetroot dip not beetrooty enough, how sad-face.

I am a big fan of the harissa. It contains roasted red capsicums, carrot, olive oil, lemon, juice, garlic, chili, ground cumin, coriander and sea salt.

I never really thought of harissa as a dip, moreso a condiment. Funnily enough, it seems to go with everything. In complete desperation, I made a salad and slopped on some harissa and yogurt over the top.

I feel like a slob, but that is what humidity does to me.

I'm a fatty
Serves 4

3 ribs of celery, sliced
1/2 spanish onion, diced
1 carrot, diced
2 tomatoes, seeded and diced
1/2 an avocado, diced
1/2 can of canellini beans, drained and rinsed
1/2 can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
extra virgin olive oil
zest and juice of 1 lemon
harissa
yogurt

Mix the celery, onion, carrot, avocado, lemon zest and beans together and season. Add the juice of the lemon and some oil. Plate it out and then put 1-2 tablespoons of the harissa and an equal amount of yogurt over the top and stir it into the salad.

I ate it with a couple of 9 grain vitaweats and a litre of water. I am the ultimate slop-master.

Macbeth Murdered.

I went to see Melbourne Uni's Shakespeare Co.'s version of Macbeth tonight. My friend 'won' free tickets in some essay competition. My first thought when she told me this was worst prize ever. This isn't because I dislike theatre, it is that I already know the quality of it.

We started off with drinks at Markov Place. She got some crazy red girly spritzer thing and I kept to my Shofferhoffer Kristal. She had just come from work and I had come from...well, work and exercise.
Despite my crazy adrenaline, she coaxed me into ordering something with her. She ended up getting the wild mushroom and manchego bruschetta, and I ordered an oyster with a red wine vinegar and shallot dressing.

Go team oyster.

So, then, without the opportunity to get sloshed, we ran off to see Macbeth. The production was very immature. I assumed all the good actors had been exhausted with the recent runs of Zombie State and Botulism. Anyways, the only good actor in the show was Lady Macbeth who was played by Leeor Adar. She was actually able to deliver Shakespeare the way you were to read it, unlike her counterpart, Macbeth (Seamus Barker) who spoke as if he was William Shatner with tourret's if you turned up the volume and broke the knob. I don't understand how a company could possibly make all the characters of Macbeth, who were not Lady Macbeth annoying.
Hats off to you.

I understand now, why Lady Macbeth kills herself.

The thing that rounded it all off was "Love Will Tear Us Apart" playing during the curtain call.

Let's not get started on the three witches.

Alas, I have made it home on a Friday night, and it is before midnight. I somehow don't think an oyster is good as a dinner after only eating a piece of bread and a tomato today. Anyways, it's sultry...it's salad time.

Omnomnomnom
Serves 3

2 ribs of celery, diced
1/2 spanish onion, diced
1/2 punnet of cherry tomatoes, halved
1/2 an avocado, diced
2 small cans of Serina chili tuna in oil, drained and flaked
1 can of canellini beans, rinsed
1/2 lemon
salt and pepper
extra virgin olive oil

Combine all the ingredients in a large bowl 9up to the lemon)and season to taste. Serve by squeezing the juice of half a lemon over the top with a drizzle of oil and a piece of toast.

It's Friday, have another beer.

Lunchfast

Weekends are meant to be slow things, where you wake up mid afternoon, naked from the waist down (thank Dylan Moran for that image)and cooking barefoot, despite your brain yelling OH&S at you the whole time, while watching your friend smoke cigarettes outside the kitchen window as they sit in a blue milk crate (one of the old ones, that records can still fit into) and you both drink espressos, clinking demitasse cups above the sill.
Needless to say, the day was disgustingly beautiful, in the traditional and obvious sense. Absolutely pointless for a hangover.

So, make this and listen to CocoRosie's Noah's Ark album.

Take it easy, kids.

Fritters of some sort

1 eggplant, grilled, flesh scooped out and chopped
1/2 bunch of silverbeet slices, ribs removed and diced
5 slices Irrewarra Breakfast Seed Loaf, pulsed to breadcrumbs in a processor
2 cloves garlic, diced
1 egg
100g ricotta

Saute off the silverbeet and cook. Mix together in a bowl with two handfuls of the breadcrumbs, reserving the rest, the eggplant, ricotta, garlic and egg. Season with salt and pepper.
Roll into balls and then coat in remaining breadcrumbs. Place in fridge and allow to firm up while you take a shower. Fry off in batches, five minutes on each side. Serve with a tomato based sauce and a wedge of lemon.

Saucey, Saucey

1 punnet cherry tomatoes, halved
1 clove diced garlic
5-6 marinated olives in oil, pitted and diced
slurp of red wine
balsamic vinegar
passata

saute off the garlic, add the tomatoes and olives, some of the oil and allow to boil. Splash in the wine, add some balsamic and passata to loosen the sauce. Cook for 15 minutes.

Our Spread



Our View...and the evil pollen. Pretty, pretty pollen...so, so full of bastardo!

Just a Breather

I have somehow thrown myself on a feverent, hyperactive, creative bus for a 10 day getaway to compose a work for TINA (This is Not Art festival) in Newcastle. This means, by default, that I have somehow forced myself to write a presentation and essay in three days, rather than the 14 that I originally allowed myself during the mid-semester break at uni.
This bus will carry 25 people, each with some skill, whether it be writing, bending, building, braining (you get the idea) which will go from Melbourne to Newcastle along the coast-line for the 4 days leading up to TINA and everyone puts as much or as little of themselves into the work that will be 'presented' at the festival.
Erm, woot!
This also means that by default, everyone is also a poor motherfucker and will, undoubtedly go up poor and come back either in debt, someone's bitch, or turning tricks after a unanimously decided stop at Kings Cross to gather money home (this is running off the assumption that we're all attractive individuals with the ability to hook). We're a collective here, so it is like whore money for a socialist bus full of artists (funnily enough, the project is called istuffgreyhounds...oh the puns).
We're dumpster diving for as much food as we can before we go up before we dig into the money gathered and paid for this trip. We have mapped out a route and also gone price-spotting, as well as having devised back-up plans. We're doing this real, fun and unashamed. There will be fridges on the bus powered by generators, as well as gas stoves for the stops. There will be the cooked breakfast and the dinner, devised by a trio...and I have somehow assumed responsibility for being one of the three.
I smell fun.
I smell so much fun.
However, I am still pushing for people providing a list of dietary requirements and allergies before any of us hear bitching.
I am also scared of nature, and therefore, camping...but fuck it. This is for the sake of art, is it not? Strangely enough, my presentation and essay is on the arts and marketing. Oh, evil bureaucrat I may someday be. How stupidly relevant.
Even if the call for contributors wasn't so goddamn amazing, I would still leave my nature-phobia at the door.
I mean, when the bus is described as "an abscess bursting in the festival's brain" where the artists will be making "social cancer", all I can think is BRILLIANT!
Actually, the rant is a little amazingly entertaining and my kind of crazy (and my presentation head is thinking, oh, what a great marketing strategy...it is their point of difference), especially at the guarantee of being able to ride the bus like a giant, drunken lizard.
Finally, when I am told to be more concerned with my costume and equipment than my own health and surviving, and that explosives are wanted, I am reminded of a very good thing a friend (who undoubtedly wrote the release) who turned to me one day and said, "If we're going to follow the arts, we're going to be poor for the rest of our lives, but goddamn, are we going to have fun!"
'nuff said.

So, as I run away as of the 28th for 10 days, I will be blogging elsewhere, documenting the journey for your misguided pleasure. Any who, this may be a premature adios.

Till then, I am back on the societal arts marketing slide show with annotations and notes.

Back of Fridge Goodness
2 cloves garlic, diced
1 bunch rainbow silverbeet, ribs removed and diced, leaves sliced
20 good quality olives, pitted and chopped
a few forkfuls of pickled eggplant in oil
3-4 anchovies, diced
1 punnet cherry tomatoes, quartered
olive oil
balsamic vinegar
short pasta
fresh ricotta

Sweat off the garlic with the silverbeet ribs till transluscent. Turn up the heat and add the anchovies, olives and eggplant. Fry for a few minutes and add the cherry tomatoes with a generous glug of olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Lower the heat to medium as you cook the pasta in salted water.
When the pasta is a couple of minutes from being al dente, put the silverbeet leaves into the tomato mixture and toss till they have wilted and cooked. If the sauce looks like it is drying out, add some of the pasta water to the pan.
Drain the pasta and mix through the sauce. Season to taste. Serve with fresh ricotta broken over the top.