Union House

I don't think that I have ever been surrounded by so much shit food in my life. Barring the food-co op from this generalization, I felt a lot of pain.

Sure, I have been going to Melbourne Uni for three years now.
Sure, I have been there before.
Sure, I have set foot in food courts before.
Sure, I have come from the burbs.

However, I have only bought bottles of water or only eaten at the co-op and no one ever forced me to eat food court food, especially in the burbs. Also, the last time I went to Union House, I am sure I was in first year and therefore, too busy avoiding eye contact.

Just to clarify, Union House is probably the most central thing in Melbourne University, and it is where the union, a few offices, a crap bar, a pharmacy and a food court live.
Actually, I lie, I was at the Union House pharmacy a week ago getting the morning after pill for an embarrassed friend, but that is another story. (All you Melbourne Uni hussies out there, note that the morning after pill is cheaper here than normal pharmacies. They care that we're students.)

Anyways, I find it strange that people are complaining about obesity when all the food options that they offer in the food court are either disgusting, or shit that is disgusting and deep fried in sugar after it has been dusted in saturated fat. I also never knew that sushi rolls were as thick as my forearm with overcooked and sweetened rice and only had cooked tuna with mayo in there, the thickness of the carbon in the pencil. Oh, but of course you can eat outside of uni. It is very rare for a student to be able to get a quick and cheap meal around campus unless it is some variety of toasted something something encased in white bread, or more take out. That is unless you decide to head to Lygon St, but most of the food on Lygon st is crap, and even at that, you'll find yourself paying at least fifteen dollars for a bowl of pasta, and no one wants to fall asleep before their afternoon class.

I forget my point here (forgive me, I have had 7.5 hours of workshopping), but thank god for the co op and their cheap tofu burgers in wholegrain spelt bread with hummus (made there), grated beetroot, carrot and alfalfa. They're small and fresh, with flavour and a conscience. The great thing is that you get to queue in line with the most passionate people in the uni who probably, actually read books (read: not a hipster in sight. That's right, no streetparty kids). The great thing about this, is that if you manage to actually finish the burger, you'll be quite full but not sleepy. However, as my dining companion pointed out today, it's annoying that their conscience means they only give you the burger on a square piece of baking paper if you're asking for take away, and no, napkins are not provided.
I only wonder how they would give you soup if you were on the go.