Comfort food is always hideous.

I am feeling a little worse for wear as I had been out drinking and didn't crawl into bed till 5am. The funny part is that I didn't intend to have a big night, a long night or any type of night past a dinner with friends that didn't happen anyways.
An outing was made and Match was revisited.

One of my friends was hell bent on a kebab and convinced me to eat part of one. I had the innards in a box and pretty much only ate the lettuce and a few strips of meat.
I had never had a kebab before.

Yes, gasp.

You done?

Well, I had been a vegetarian for 6 and a half years and just never had the opportunity. My friend was very proud of taking my kebab virginity. Needless to say, I could feel my tongue lining itself with animal fat (not in a good way) which is why I only ate a few strips of the meat before I waved a white flag.
My friend said she had to stop eating hers when she was about three bites from the end because she could feel her heart palpitating (though she said she felt unsatisfied because she really wanted to finish it). It is not to say that she is obese or even overweight, but between her ridiculously good eating (Vietnamese family), she has no qualms with sucking down a serve of nachos to herself or washing a Chico roll down with a bottle of V. Now, multiply this out over twenty-one years and add large melted Caramello koalas as snacks in between and you get heart palpitations.

Now, I know I am one for sarcastic exaggeration, but when I woke up from a "kebab" induced coma, I swear my heart was palpitating as well. I can only reconcile this by thinking that I don't usually eat such foods and my body is exacting its revenge. So, I exercise and I still feel like I have a brick of food in my stomach and realise it is 5pm.
I can only see myself balancing this out with vegetables, and such. So, from my youth, I cooked brown rice in a rice cooker, seasoned it, added dried shitake mushrooms for fragrance. Then, near the end, I stirred through chopped broccoli, fresh peas, marinated tofu (in chili, soy, sugar, sesame oil, ginger and garlic) and cracked an egg over and let it set.
When the rice cooker clicked over to "Keep warm," I served it up in a bowl with shredded lettuce and keep some chili and soy on the side. I was going to eat it with fried dace with fermented black beans, but I wasn't that hungry or in need for flesh. Plus, it is swimming in oil.

I didn't take a photo of it because it is hideous. All comfort food is.

So, instead, I will give you a photo of the best tattoo I have ever seen. It is from my friend who I will keep anonymous, but if you have ever seen him in the flesh, acting, performing or otherwise, you would have noticed this.


It is an amalgamation of the two best things in the world. It's the Bombay Sapphire logo with David Bowie's head in the middle.

Ying Thai 2

It's Thai time. This is probably my favourite place to go for Thai in Melbourne. They certainly don't hold back on the chili and don't make any apologies for not catering to (excuse the racism) white-man tongue. Their menu is also extremely comprehensive and they have a separate one for lunch, where their dishes are all $9.90. The shortened lunch menu is also three pages long.

For a girl who has, in the past, eaten a whole dried blackened chili with nothing else, this place has left me unable to finish a salad when I ordered it "Hot" as opposed to "Medium."

Don't say I didn't warn you.

This is what my friend ordered. Gouy Teaw Nuer. It's actually my favourite soup noodle. Incredibly rich and deeply fragrant, it is a special beef noodle soup with brisket, beansprouts, sliced beef, beef ball and liver. I love the sprinkling of fresh herbs over the top to cut the richness.
Generally, I go a little mad with the ground chili powder here, but my friend is not that way inclined.
And note, Beef balls= processed meat held together by gluten, NOT testicles (that, I believe is pizzle...or maybe that is the wang. I can't remember).


Gouy Teaw Moo. The spicy special pork noodle with minced pork, fish balls, liver, beansprouts, spring onion, dried shrimp and crushed peanut.
Yes, I added more chili.

Whenever I come here, I think of what one of my close friends said while eating spice. She is a product of a Pole and Chinois-land.
"Oh, God...JESS!!! My Polish nose says, 'No,' but my Asian mouth says, 'Yes!'


On a side note, did anyone notice the moon last night?

Apparently a once in a life-time occurrence. Aligned with Mercury and Venus or something to smile at you while you're trying to sleep.
My housemate's mother was more than enthused to tell him, and our whole house ran out to marvel at it.



The moon, also known as the 'Alabaster Retard.'




Ying Thai 2
110 Lygon St
Carlton
03 9639 1697

DOC

I love DOC. And unlike my Sicilian friend would like to believe, it does NOT stand for Department Of Cheese.
Plus, that would make the abbreviation incorrect.

I do admit, I have been there quite a few times, too many for the time it has been open, some would think. It is incredibly Italian. I would like to rival egos and Italian-nesses of the staff here to those at the Carlton Espresso.
That is a dream for another day.

Oh, I should also mention that they do not take bookings, so you have to be smart about this one. I was here on a Sunday night and they were packed.


JAM-packed.


This is the Bresaola with Buffalo Mozzarella. $20.50.
Oh so very good and salty. The waiter accidentally dropped the ball of buffalo mozzarella on the way to the table, and it being the size of a tennis ball, decided to roll like one, next to a drunken old guy's shoe. The waiter didn't know how to save himself without sacrificing his pride, so he pretended to spill some water on the ground and mopped it up with a serviette and picked up the (dead) ball in the same go.
I was impressed.
He was embarrassed.
I was also the only one who saw.
And in case you're wondering, it is a different ball of cheese, here.


Creamed broccoli, buffalo mozzarella and Leo's sausage.
This was a point of envy for all the tables around us. I was pretty much done after one piece, having split this and the cheese above with my eating-partner.

We also ordered the Bottarga pizza with calamari, but I didn't take a photo, regretfully.

Amazing quality produce used respectfully and one of the places worth going to near, off or in the vicinity of Lygon St. Surprisingly, they do take-away, if you're that way inclined.

DOC
295 Drummond St, Carlton.
03 9347 2998

The Very Good and the Oh-So-Very Bad.

This is what happens when you decide to get a good breakfast at the Greenhouse and then, after what seems like a whole day, night and afternoon of drinking, end up at the (literal) ass end of St Kilda in backpacker hell with something you can't swallow.


First, Greenhouse.


Egg and Soldiers. Or as the menu describes, "Freerange 'Green Eggs' Soft-boiled served with Baker D.Chorico 'Soldier' toast." $7.50
The only problem with this was that the eggs were hard boiled. Came with veg-seasoning organic salt. Unnecessary, but still good. Also, with the eggs, can you say 'same supplier as Vue?' Thanks, Shannon.


Tuna Niscoise roll. $8. Also on Baker D.Chorico bread. Very good, raw green beans sliced throughout really did it for me.


Avocado with Lemon, oil and Murray River salt flakes. $8
Very well toasted bread. I was really craving avocado, but when I went to order, the staff said that the avocados were too ripe, and when asked to pick on that wasn't too ripe, they were happy to oblige.
They also sliced the bottom off a cheek so it could sit on the board. Clever bastards.
Oh yes, wooden cutlery, like Cafe Vue. Ahem.




The aftermath. Notice the 4 coffees and the pineapple juice in an Aesop bottle. $3.50, freshly squeezed.


Now, St Kilda Hell-town. I think that was the name of the place.


What the hell is this? Mushroom with your oil?
Two forks to demonstrate this. They were not cooked and made me want to die. Also, sauted spinach was crunchy.
*COUGHMcCainsHashbrownsCOUGH*



Oh yes, I mentioned...CUP-O-SAUCE?!?!?!?!?!



I am not quite sure how you make canned beans coagulate.
Also, I saw a table of (obvious) foreigners who lathered their scrambled eggs with tomato sauce and asked for baked beans on fries. Their meat-breakfast also came with fries...I mean, what the?
I should have known better, but really, desperation and a night of booze does evil things to the mind.


And, finally, the only thing that made anything bearable on the table.
I would like to say that if there is anything I learnt from being in New York is that when you're eating crap food, and the produce is shit, you can always cover the taste with condiments.

Oh yes, I blame what is on the left and right of me, and also in my hand for the above. (How's that for the use of prepositions?)

It's raining, honey.

If you haven't worked out already, I recently inked myself with the phrase "It's raining, honey."

I love it and thought it was cute when people would text me with that line when it has been raining, but now, it's lost its flavour. It seems to be one of those days when it isn't actually dreary and the rain, as false as it may be sometimes, opens up a collective sense of nostalgia and the cliched word that starts with 'P'(and I am not referring to "potential," although it is a synonym).

To tell you the truth, I didn't go to work today because I ended up taking a sleeping tablet that was stronger than I thought, after shoving a few packets into one and not reading the dosage on the foil. It took till midday to get my motor-skills back, and maybe a few too many coffees, but it happened.



Remember when I bought spelt flour? Well, I was going to make my own, but the table which I usually roll out the pasta on went upstairs for the party and that would involve a whole lot of cleaning, disinfecting and bravery for me to knead any form of dough on that.
And yes, I did take a photo of the pasta on my record player.

Oh yeah, to be a responsible blogger: Spelt flour: high in protein, lower in gluten than regular flour, blah blah blah.

Ok?


Unfortunately, I feel as I have fallen into some trap cooking a pumpkin today as it is Thanksgiving or something in the Americatown. But, who cares.



Roasted Pumpkin and Silverbeet with Spelt linguine.
Serves 4, generously.

1/2 Jap pumpkin, skin on, sectioned into 4
chili flakes
sage
milk
100g taleggio cheese
6 slices of prosciutto, sliced
1 onion, thinly sliced
3 cloves of garlic, finely diced
1 bunch of silverbeet, ribs diced and leaves sliced
100g walnuts, roasted and chopped
1/2 packet of spelt linguine



Preheat the oven to 200 degrees celcuis. Season the pumpkin with salt, pepper, chili flakes and rub in oil. Tear sage leaves over the top and bake for 40-50 minutes, turning half way.
When it is ready, put the pumpkin, skin and all, into a blender with a dash of milk. Blend till you have a thick puree, kind of like a dip.
Season and chop up 50g of the taleggio and stir through till it is melted. Set aside.
Meanwhile, render the fat from the prosciutto and add the onion over a low heat. When it is translucent, add the silverbeet ribs and garlic and continue to cook on low. As this is happening, cook the pasta. If the onion and prosciutto look dry, add some pasta cooking water.
A minute from the pasta being ready, add the silverbeet leaves to the pot.
Add the pumpkin puree to the prosciutto pan and stir through to heat.
Drain the pasta and silverbeet and add the to sauce. Stir to combine.


Serve with a slice of taleggio over the top and sprinkle over the toasted walnuts.




Erm, I guess now, you're ready for beer time.

Oh yes, this meal is best made and eaten while listening to Elbow's Seldom Seen Kid in its entirety. Seriously.

Contrasts.

I love contrasts.

Today's weather is a perfect example. There was some sort of dry, parching heat overwhelming the city and all of a sudden, while I am outside exercising, the barometre falls and there is a thunderstorm. I like how everything is now thin and palatable and reflects the vegetables in between seasons. (And, also getting a dozen texts saying, "It's raining, honey.")

It's not confused, it's Melbourne. Before, I was drinking beer, and now I'm grabbing a bottle of red.

It makes sense, it allows us to overindulge and try everything once.

It's also why I was walking around in something thinner than a sheet this morning at work, and now I am wrapped in leather.

Also, I get to actually cook something and allow the smells to permeate the house, so it feels less like a share house and more like a home.
And in case you were wondering, yes, this morning I was in slut-bag mode and now I am a nonna.

Deal with it.



Beans and such play nice in pot
Serves 4

4 slices of prosciutto
1 onion, finely diced
2 cloves of garlic, finely diced
3 dutch carrots, diced
4 ribs of celery, finely diced
parsley stalks from a bunch, finely diced
200ml passata
1 glass of red wine
2 cups of dry borlotti beans, soaked overnight in cold water
200g broad beans, shelled but still in their clothes
1 bunch of silverbeet, ribs removed and diced and leaves sliced
parsley leaves, roughly chopped
parmesan
lemon juice

Render the prosciutto over a low heat and then add the onion and garlic and allow to sweat. When the onion and garlic are translucent, add the carrots, celery and parsley stalks and sweat for about 5 minutes.
Add the red wine and passata and turn the heat up on high. Add the beans after you have rinsed them and cover with water. Bring to the boil and allow to simmer for 2 hours, or until the beans are cooked.
An hour into the cooking, add the broad beans.
When the beans are cooked, season with salt and pepper. Do not salt before this stage because it won't allow the beans to soften.
Saute off the silverbeet and season. Stir into the beans.
Serve with parsley, grated parmesan and lemon juice. Eat with oiled toast.

Greenhouse and some cider.

Ok, Greenhouse is currently my new love.
For those of you who have not heard of it, it is a completely sustainable structure,based on that of a house which is a cafe/bar that is temporarily situated at Federation square on the Flinders Street side, next to the entrance of ACMI.
It was built on site over two weeks and has a living rooftop. This means that they grow shit up there.
And on the walls.


Check out these strawberries!
Anyways, the Seamstress kids and Shannon Bennett from Vue de Monds have chipped in and supported the whole thing and I cannot say anything other than me being in love with this place.


They serve all their coffees in jars and if you order a beer (which are supplied by Little Creatures) they will give it to you in an Innocent Bystander wine bottle which has had the top cut off.
Genius!




Actually, something I am not too fond of is that they don't serve alcohol till 4pm.



Seeing the weather, I would have loved to have a cider with my roll. This is the roasted tomato, fior di latte, basil and balsamic roll. Their breads are all from D.Chirico Bakers.
If it were not so hot and I had not just exercised, I would have eaten a licorice and apple muffin. They sell a range of cakes as well as quiches, do breakfasts from 7am and sell their own muesli and jams (strawberry and rosewater & gellee carrot and vanilla).



I have a thing for birdcage lampshades. They make me all warm and fuzzy inside.


I also noted that they were a little overstaffed, but maybe that is because they were having a function at 4:30.



So, I relied on old faithful and sucked down a (better) cider at Hell's Kitchen.
Plus, it wasn't 4pm yet.