I kicked your ass, BB

and I didn't cheat...unlike you and the Gray.

Tsk tsk tsk.

As you can see, there are the scores for a card game with me finishing after everyone "died" for getting scored over 1000 and me finishing on a 630.

Yes, I like gloating.

But then, you also get why I don't draw. That thing that looks like an alligator is actually a Mr Squiggle-styled collaboration between 4 nuts, crank calling Fish and Gray after a dinner party, attempting to bring "Warren" to life.

Warren is a worm...but we will leave that explanation.

To top the childishness, we caused anxiety with a fish at 4 in the morning enough for him to drive to Gray's house, freak her out, call the Gingold's number, with me answering as "Dial a Vagina," and telling him that we don't have an enquiries line.

Can you believe I am the youngest one in the group?

Can you also believe that we ended up resorting to such desperate times as to drink Campari straight after having run out of ice cubes and then realising that we had Scotch?

Oh, and there was drunken hairdressing with the BB.

We also resurrected Burnie (the burn victim) which is usually a hideous creation only worn by BB through the Christobel.



It was weird.




But we did make a kickass roast beef with potatoes, green beans and a pumpkin mash.

The amazing Narti Pants brought Honey and Cinnamon King Island Dairy yogurt along with tinned peaches and Spacalaa Dutch Spice cookies, which we layered and crushed the cookies on top of.


Total omnomnom.



Erm, racism anyone?

In no particular order

because I am one without order. The days are all the same when you're jobless, although, I completely bombed a trial due to a cancellation of more than twenty for a booking on a Saturday night and standing, polishing cutlery, pretending not to over service the sixteen which actually came in between the three FOH staff on for the evening.

*shakes head*

And that is why I partied till some obscure hour at yet another awkward party where I simulated passive-aggressive sex on an American midget for "fucking us" and being part of the crew that "broke the table."

Oh, and both those things didn't happen at the same time and are completely independent events.

So, on the Saturday day, there was a lot of cleaning. For the not-so-breakfast of champions, I made fried rice that Kylie Kwong (without her bullshit between stories) would have approved of due to the oh-so-authentic nature.
Alas, no photo, cos we all know how fried rice goes.

Then, a rooftop was cleaned and a 4:30pm lunch was made.

This is just the set up, after having washed that disgusting floor.


Hmm, cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese.

And cos I am one classy broad, I brought out sunglasses for everyone. It was, erm...sunny.

We don't have cruets here. I love how the pepper is actually ground in an old-school coffee grinder. You know, where you wind a lever by hand.

It is THE SEX.


Our lunch.


And the unfortunate one setting for the Gingold who ran out to buy the BB bolts. Too late, son.

DaVa Special
serves 4

olive oil
3 cloves of garlic, finely diced
5 anchovies, diced
3 handfuls of mixed olives, roughly chopped
5 tomatoes, cut into wedges
1/2 bunch of parsley, roughly chopped
salt
pepper

Rigatoni for 4

Cook the rigatoni according to packet instructions. Instead of putting the lid on, put the pan you will be cooking everything on over the top and allow the steam to heat the pan. Add the olive oil when it is hot and then the garlic and anchovies. When the garlic is translucent, add the olives and tomatoes and cooked till they are warm and add the parsley, stirring just to wilt slightly. Season with salt and pepper, adding the cooked pasta to the pan.

Serve.

After

So, this is what After is. Yes, After; the noun, not the preposition.

The performance on the Saturday, a happening if you will, at CentrePlace in Melbourne for the Streets of Melbourne festival.You know, one of the performances that weren't assholes on bikes, jugglers or people with purple spandex bodysuits on (maybe the only one).

Well, maybe not.


Basically, five men in suits (none of them will attempt to convert you into being a Mormon) sit, bounce energy and have their hearts explode.



Yeah, they're all strapping young lads.

who carry

and tango

and nuzzle the dead

and die on the dead

reanimate and drink coffee

and die on a Zebra crozzing on Flinders Lane (and be told off for running into a yellow car before doing so).


After After. Note the blood splatter on the floor/walls.

Who knew bike pump kits and Cottee's strawberry syrup would work so well?

Funnily enough, they mixed the skiz with enough detergent so it didn't stain.

But, they forgot about the coffee.

Cookie

Oh Cookie. Is your Bloody Mary worth $19?

It does feature muddled cherry tomatoes as well as lemon and lime...and actually contains what I believe to be the obligatory horseradish and tobasco (but sometimes omitted), as well as celery (also sometimes omitted) with the OTT salt-rim...




but, my answer is no.

They do let you chose the level of spiciness though, which is a plus. To me it is like asking to levels of flavour.
This is my friend trying to finish it off, unsuccessfully.

To quote: Oh no, my nose is too Italian for this glass. You want to do it, you're Asian.

When you're a responsible adult

And you're not on a diet, you say, "Fuck you icecream, I'll show you!"

That's a panzerotti from the night market filled with chicken and pea risotto. A panzerotti is basically a deep fried calzone and probably one of the better things at the market. And I know what you're thinking...calzones aren't filled with risotto.

That is because they are not.

I believe his was previously filled with salami, mozarella and napoli.

Kudos.

Oh, and he actually ate it.

Quinoa makes a come back.

Nothing much to say, more kitchen-bitching.

Quinoa Salad
serves 8

2 cups of cooked quinoa
1 bunch of parsley, leaves only, roughly torn by hand
1/3 bunch of mint, leaves only, shredded
2 bunches of broccolini
500 g fresh peas, podded
2 bunches of baby asparagus, sectioned
2 handfuls of almonds and walnuts, roasted and chopped
goats curd
1 lemon
salt
pepper

Mix the quinoa and herbs together while warm. Blanch the broccolini, peas and asparagus and add to the quinoa mix and toss. Season with lemon juice, salt and pepper.

Dollop goats curd over the top and top with the nuts and serve.

Blood for your Blood?

My friends were doing a performance called After for the Streets of Melbourne festival over the weekend and I was their personal kitchen bitch for the time.

The first night saw a lot of clambering and hiking bags full of ingredients, fridge cramming and impromptu cooking.

I made a bastardisation of Borscht from the ingredients they had. I know, hiking bags full, and still no cabbage or oink-oink.

One of the reasons for the Borscht, other than these being the first ingredients found, that their hearts all exploded on CentrePlace. It only seemed fitting.

Borscht
Serves 6
(and then some)

1 lamb shank, salted
2 cloves of garlic
2 beetroots, trimmed and diced
1 large carrot, diced
1 large onion, diced
1 large leek, diced
1 large potato, diced
vegetable stock, to cover, and some extra
2 bay leaves
Salt
freshly cracked pepper
1/2 a bunch of parsley, chopped
yogurt


Seal the shank in a heavy pot, and reduce the heat. Add the garlic, onion, carrot, leek, potato and saute till translucent. Add the beetroot and cover with the vegetable stock and bay leaves. Bring to the boil and then simmer for 3 hours, skimming the scum off the top.
Scum bucket

When the shank is fork-tender, remove the meat from the bone, shred and return to the pot. Season to taste.
Stir in half the parsley.

Mix the yogurt with the rest of the parsley and dollop over the top of the soup when serving.